


Longing For You

by hidekaneheadcanons



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Day 3, Friends to Lovers, Hide's Two Dads, Hidekane Week 2018, M/M, Mentions of homophobia, Questioning, Tsukiyama is a decent human being here, no ghouls
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-30
Updated: 2018-07-30
Packaged: 2019-06-18 15:09:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15488643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hidekaneheadcanons/pseuds/hidekaneheadcanons
Summary: Kaneki was straight - or so he thought.That statement didn't seem very true anymore and Kaneki wasn't sure what to do - especially since it was his best friend he had a crush on.





	Longing For You

Kaneki always thought he was attracted to women. More specifically, only women. All throughout high school, he would talk with Hide about the girls he liked and wished he could date. In return, Hide also spoke about the girls he liked.

It took a number of years, until they were graduating from high school for Kaneki to realize it just wasn’t women he was attracted to.

Hide invited Kaneki over after graduation, seeming more nervous than usual. He was shifting his weight back and forth, his smile a little less lustrous than usual. It was Kaneki’s first time meeting Hide’s parents, though they’d know each other forever. Whenever Hide hanged out with him, it was always somewhere in the city, since they couldn’t really be at Kaneki’s place either – though that would change since Kaneki was getting his own apartment when he went to Kami University.

Hide didn’t really speak of his parents – and Kaneki didn’t ask either – he knew what it was like to have an awful family – so he wouldn’t press Hide on the issue if he didn’t want to talk about it. So, Kaneki was therefore very surprised and a little anxious when Hide told him that his parents wanted the both of them over for dinner.

He didn’t know what to expect. But, when Hide opened the door, there were two men waiting there for them and Hide introduced them as his dads, Kaneki took it in stride. Kaneki caught onto Hide’s nervous little smile and tried to be as polite as he could be as his head spun.

Did Hide  _really_ not invite him over so long because of _this_? Initially, he felt hurt, wondering if Hide thought so lowly of him, thinking that Kaneki would be offended by him having two dads. But Kaneki hastily pushed those thoughts down. He couldn’t blame Hide for thinking that way, there were so many homophobes out there and Hide was probably scared to tell him.

Both of Hide’s parents had dark hair, one of them with a more stern expression, while the other had laugh lines around his eyes and his mouth. They were nice, and Kaneki decided he liked them, especially when he saw how kind and patient they were with Hide. Kaneki could see how much they loved Hide and how much Hide loved them. It was obviously in how they talked, how they joked around and how they argued over little things.

Hide must have warned them how little Kaneki tended to talk when he met new people, since they weren’t giving him any strange looks or trying to prompt him into talking too much. Nonetheless, Kaneki always felt like he was part of the conversation, Hide nudging him and asking for his input every once in a while. Hide was a little tense at the beginning of dinner, but he relaxed gradually throughout, becoming more free with his language and gestures. More like the Hide that Kaneki was used to.

After dinner, Hide walked Kaneki home. However, he had reverted back to being silent, staring down at the ground with his hands in his pockets.

Kaneki sighed softly. “I liked them. They really seemed to care for you.”

“Yeah,” Hide cleared his throat. “Yeah, they do. So… you liked them…?”

“Of course,” Kaneki said.

“Okay.” There was a trace of a smile on Hide’s face. Strangely, he looked like he was about to cry. “I’m glad.”

It was only weeks later that Kaneki met a purple-haired man at a Takatsuki Sen book signing. He was beautiful and well dressed and surprisingly, talking to Kaneki. After the book signing, they went out for coffee. They talked for an hour or so about Takatsuki Sen’s latest novel.

Kaneki was enjoying himself and was only half-surprised when Tsukiyama asked him out on a date. Kaneki declined politely, saying that he wasn’t looking for a relationship, but asked Tsukiyama if he would like to meet as friends and discuss Takatsuki Sen’s works again.

Kaneki left with Tsukiyama’s number in his phone.

Kaneki was left wondering about the experience. He told Tsukiyama that he didn’t want to go out on a date with him, but _why_? His first answer would have been that he was straight. But there just didn’t seem to be something right with that statement. Truth be told, he thought Tsukiyama was attractive. Truth be told, he  _was_ attracted to Tsukiyama. Which was something that forced him to wonder - _was_ he attracted to men?

He never really thought about it before. He was attracted to women and so were most of the people he knew. Kaneki was never confronted with the question of whether or not he was attracted to men, but now that he was… he couldn’t help but feel that the answer was ‘yes’.

And Kaneki wasn’t really sure how to feel about that.

The very next week, Hide and Kaneki met up at Big Girl and Hide talked about the usual – namely, a cute girl he met at orientation for university. Kaneki was surprised to be feeling a little upset and though he hated to admit it, disappointed.

It was then that he realized why he turned Tsukiyama down. It wasn’t that he wasn’t looking for a relationship. It was that he already found someone he wanted to be with – but couldn’t. Hide was attracted to women, and he made that very clear. Which meant he would never go for Kaneki.

Kaneki attempted to ignore the squeezing of his chest and listened to Hide talk, though he felt like he was going to be sick to his stomach at any moment.

He liked his best friend. He was attracted to his best friend. He wanted to  _date_ his best friend. But, they couldn’t be together. That thought made Kaneki’s heart ache and his throat close up. He felt like he wanted to cry.

Completely unsure what do, he sent a message to Tsukiyama, though he felt a little guilty for asking for dating advice when he himself had turned Tsukiyama down in that way. However, when they actually met in person at one of Kaneki’s favorite coffee shops, Tsukiyama waved his guilt away.

“Everyone needs support sometimes. Don’t hesitate to ask questions in the future. Just because we’re both attracted to men doesn’t mean we can’t be friends.” Tsukiyama wore a kind smile. “Oui?”

“I would… really appreciate that…” Kaneki held his coffee mug tightly with both hands. “I’m not sure what to do. I know for a fact that he won’t judge me for being attracted to guys, but still… I wonder if he’ll catch on that I like him and that it will make our friendship awkward… He was my only friend for a number of years. I love him, and I can’t afford to lose him.”

Tsukiyama hummed thoughtfully. “But you want to be with him, don’t you? Are you sure he’s straight?”

Kaneki nodded glumly. “He’s always talking about the different girls he’d like to go out with.”

Tsukiyama shrugged. “Ah, well. You’re attracted to women too, aren’t you? Perhaps he’s the same as you. You never know. I don’t think you should give up so easily, especially when you aren’t absolutely sure of his feelings. You can never be sure how things will turn out. I would suggest letting him know you’re not straight, so long as you’re comfortable enough with it.”

“It’s nerve wracking,” Kaneki mumbled, sipping his coffee.

Tsukiyama laughed quietly. “Telling people you care about? I don’t think it ever  _won't_ be nerve wracking.”

Kaneki huffed and shook his head. “Yeah, you’re probably right about that.”

So Kaneki resolved to tell Hide. He didn’t know how to do it. He didn’t have a plan. He thought he was just waiting for the opportunity to present itself. Which, was probably his mistake. It went on for _weeks_. Every time they went out, Kaneki was fidgeting, glancing at Hide out of the corners of his eyes and stumbling and bumbling around like a complete idiot. This of course, didn’t go unnoticed by Hide, who on occasion, gave Kaneki some weirdly intense looks, but mostly ignored Kaneki’s blundering in favor of not making him uncomfortable.

Kaneki appreciated it. At the time.

Although, apparently, Hide finally had enough after a few weeks and confronted him about it when they went out for coffee. “Hey, buddy. You’ve been acting weird for a while. I was wondering if something was bothering you?”

Hide looked about as uncomfortable and nervous as Kaneki felt.

“I…” Kaneki swallowed thickly. He supposed there would be no better time to say it. There probably wouldn’t be a worse time either. “I think… I might be bi.”

Hide’s eyebrows rose to his hairline, then he slumped over with laughter. “Oh. Oh my god. I thought I did something _wrong_.”

“So… that doesn’t make you feel weird?”

Hide shook his head, looking relieved. “No. Dude, my dad’s are gay and well…” He laughed quietly. “It’s not like I didn’t catch you looking at my butt last week.”

Kaneki immediately flushed bright red. " _Shut up! I did not!"_

Hide grinned. “You’re a horrible liar, you know.” Hide shrugged. “Not that I mind. You can stare at my butt all you want.”

Kaneki put his head in his hands. “Oh my god. Hide, please.”

“I hope you know how many  _years_ I’ve been checking yours out.”

“Hide, _please_. You’re so embarrassing.” Kaneki shook his head, then shot up straight, his eyes wide. “Wait, what did you just say.”

Hide sat back, smiling softly. “You know, I was lucky that my dads adopted me. I’d hate to think what would have happened if someone else raised me. I knew I was attracted to guys since I was young, and getting adopted by two gay dads was like a jackpot in my books. I was so scared I would be adopted by someone who would have abandoned me the moment they found out I was pan. I was  _so_  relieved to have gotten my parents. Took me like one month to come out to them. They were surprised. It was actually kind of funny. I’ll never forget their faces.”

“Oh,” was just about all Kaneki could manage.

“You know, I was really worried about introducing you to them. Since, if you didn’t accept them, you would have never accepted me, and I just couldn’t stand the thought of it. But I guess I was all worried over nothing, huh?”

Kaneki bit his lip. “Well, I guess you’re not the only one whose been worried over nothing.”

“I suppose so.” Hide folded his arms on the table and rested his head in them. “Hey, does this mean I can finally ask you to go out on the date I’ve always wanted with you?”

Kaneki nodded numbly, a little too shocked to speak.

“And next time you meet my parents, can I introduce you as my boyfriend?”

Kaneki groaned quietly, probably sounding like he was dying. He certainly felt like he was dying. It was simply too good to be true. “That sounds… good. Really good.”

Hide’s smile was blinding. He reached across the table, picking up Kaneki’s hand. Hide’s was warm around his, comforting and steady. He brought Kaneki’s hand to his mouth and brushed his lips against the knuckles, making Kaneki flush deeply.

When Hide release his hand, Kaneki cradled it gently against his chest. He glanced up at Hide, who was giving Kaneki his undivided attention. As much as it made Kaneki flustered, it also made him incredible happy.

_Hide had feelings for him too._

Kaneki resolved that by the end of the day, he would get Hide to give him a real kiss.   


**Author's Note:**

> Lmao this is 100% based off me only realizing I was a lesbian a week after a girl asked me out. Good job me. 
> 
> This is the first thing I've posted in quite a while, so pardon me if my writing is a little rusty. Also please let me know if I left any words with slashes /like this/. My tablet doesn't transfer italics when I copy and paste, so I'm suffering. (I'll probably just learn some basic HTML stuff oh well).
> 
> Thanks for reading. Hopefully I can hammer out one or two more works before the end of Hidekane Week. Work is killing me rn. 
> 
> Ps. Took me all the self-control I had to not title this story as "Dat Ass".


End file.
